Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland

There's no real reason to be surprised by what you'll see in Alice in Wonderland. Not only is it a rehashed story with characters you all know and probably love, but in the able hands of Tim Burton it's pretty easy to predict the outcome; lots of color, gnarly trees, and Johnny Depp sporting boat loads of white make up and a smile only befitting of a creepy dude driving a candy van around. Alice is exactly what you should expect it to be, and as long as that's all you're looking for, you'll have a pretty good time with it.

We reconvene with Alice 13 years after her first go in Wonderland, but due to some sort of growing older brain lapse, she's forgotten everything about her past experiences and is stuck in a life of semi-arranged marriages and rebellion against her mother. When her mildly-hideous suitor proposes to her in front of  a crowded yard of England's most snooty, she runs off after a familiar rabbit in a sport jacket and tumbles down a familiar hole, lands near a familiar door, takes familiar potion, eats familiar cake, and finally enters a familiar world. 

It all feels very familiar in one way or another, be it because we've all seen the original movie and already have a pre-existing relationship with the characters, or possibly because watching this movie is like having a hot cauldron of Tim Burton dumped down your throat while Danny Elfman relentlessly slashes at your ears with a prison shiv. While it is pretty to look at, there's no denying who made this film and, much like Quentin Tarantino, Burton's films are a bit of a joke in themselves not because they are bad but because they have so fully embraced their style that they scarcely give their viewers respite from their aggressively over-the-top barrage of colors and gnarly ass trees.

The best way to describe this film is the same way the Hatter describes Alice at one point, it feels like it's lost its "muchness." For as character centric a movie as it was, no one felt any deeper than a kiddie pool. Everyone was just kind of a vessel for some dialog and the only depth comes from Hatter and the White Rabbit trying to make Alice remember who she is. Her support consists of zany husks whose sole purpose is to entertain and they don't quite do enough of that. The movie feels small, but not for lack of effort. Sweeping shots of the Queens' castles feebly attempt to add bigness to the scope but fail at every turn.

The storyline is clearly laid out for you via Absolom the Caterpillar, voiced by Alan Rickman whose mere voice steals scenes away from on set actors. A scroll is consulted telling of Alice's victory over the Red Queen's devastating Jabberwocky, and the story plays out exactly as such. Alice infiltrates the Red Queen's lair, Alice tames the Bandersnatch, Alice acquires the Vorpal sword, and thusly Alice readily defeats said Jabberwocky. For lack of a better word, it was boring. The conflict didn't so much feel like conflict as like mild arguments, and anything that winds up in Alice's way seems to merely step out of it.

The logical retort is, "It's a kids movie, there doesn't need to be conflict." Sort of true, and sort of not true. Kids movies don't necessarily need to assume that all kids are morons and that everything should be simple and easy to understand. Aside from that, you can't put a movie squarely in the palms of someone as outright crazy as Tim Burton and expect just kids to be in the theater to enjoy it. His legions of Hot Topic cronies are aging just as rapidly as he is, dragging their Jack Skelington beanies and wallet chains well into their 20s now and those fans need to be catered to as well. The lack of conflict consequently made it seem a whole lot less interesting for anyone with half a brain on their shoulders.

Alice in Wonderland is mediocre as a whole but you'll definitely walk away from it with a few scenes that stand out in your head as shining stars. Although you knew it was coming from about 10 minutes in, seeing Alice take on the Jabberwocky almost makes the rest of the film worth sitting through. It's an epic battle and wholly satisfying to see something so terrifying have such a silly name. Sprinkle in a few more scenes, and the film is bearable, even likable at times, but walking away saying you loved it is not something you're likely to do. Great art design, decent acting, Tim Burton overload.

3 stars.

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