9. The Host

Any person who prides themselves on their love of monster films is doing a disservice to their life if they don't watch The Host. Monster movies never do it for me in the scare department, but I love the concept of giant unstoppable creatures rampaging through a city a la Godzilla, The Giant Gila Monster, or most recently Cloverfield, which revived the genre for the main stream US audience. Because it's Korean, The Host unfortunately didn't get too much play around the American market, but I assure you that if you take the time to find it, it'll be well worth the effort.

Gang-du is a simple man. He works at his father's food cart on Seoul's Han River, serving fried squid and sleeping on the job. His only love is his daughter Hyun-seo, for whom he wants nothing more than to be a good father. On a seemingly normal day on the rivers edge, people gather to see a strange thing hanging beneath a bridge only for it to swim over and start terrorizing everyone in its path. Gang-du does everything he can to save his daughter but his efforts are for nothing as the beast eventually wraps his tail around Hyun-seo and bounds back into the river, disappearing into the nearby sewers. 

Presuming his daughter is dead, Gang-du and his family mourn her loss in a government controlled containment unit set up to prevent a weird virus from spreading to the people who were able to escape contact with the beast. Alas, Gang-du receives a midnight phone call from none other than a living Hyun-seo trapped somewhere near the river in a non-descript sewer, so with nothing but that information, the family of four escapes custody and begins their search for their lost loved one at great risk of being swallowed by the monster.

I think the best way to quantify just how good this film is is by quoting something Kristin said to me about 10 minutes into it, "Take this how you will, but Asians have a real gift for film making." The Host is brilliantly shot. The action is filmed great, but it never feels like director Joon-ho Bong is begging us to look at his monster. Insert as many sexual innuendos there as you'd like. It's shot in such a way that the focus is always on the family and their struggle to find their MacGuffin. All of it has that trademark Korean look to it, making you feel like instead of watching a horror movie, you're watching something much more beautiful.

Much like District 9, The Host makes no attempt to hide it's monster in any sort of shadow or darkness. The first time we see it is in the middle of a bright and sunny day, running through wide open spaces, smiling big at the camera the whole time. The difference being that you can actually tell a little that it's CG. It looks great, but you're not going to be fooled into thinking that its actually there like you would be by District 9. 

The story plays out really well and even though most of the government story line is in the background, you still get a really solid idea about what exactly is going on. Nothing gets convoluted behind the language barrier making this a real easy movie to watch for people who like to say, "I'm a douche, I don't like to read movies. How would I know what's going on?" Jerks. 

The Host quickly became one of my all time favorite monster movies. It's fast paced but emotional, scary yet goofy, and just an all around great time. Netflix users can check it out in the Watch Instantly section.

12. Hatchet

Hatchet is a virtual who's who of classic horror. The first face we see is none other than the legendary Robert Englund, the Phantom of the Opera himself.....or for those of you who bettered your lives by avoiding his version of that movie, Freddy Krueger himself! Other horror movie alum popping in to give Hatchet some cameo cred is Tony Todd, of Candyman fame, and Kane Hodder, who played Jason in the 7th thru 9th Friday the 13th movies. They only appear for a few moments each, but it's enough for you to say "OH SHIT IT'S THAT GUY!" and immediately give this movie a little respect rather than just throwing it aside with the other low budget horror garbage.

You'll also find some recognizable cast members in the core group of stars such as the "I am a robot. I have a robot vagina" guy from Grandma's Boy, the token black guy from Not Another Teen Movie, Tom Smykowski from Office Space, and even that little bitch girl scout from the Addams Family flicks who is all grown up and showing her tits to a weird camera guy.

The story takes place in a version of Louisiana where Mardi Gras rules the streets and there is an excess of Voodoo shops on every corner. Our heroes, Robot guy and Token, hop on a haunted swamp tour and find themselves in the middle of a Louisiana legend with their tour mates getting picked off one by one. Sounds like a typical slasher right? Well, it is I guess, but there are a few key elements that set this apart.

First, the movie is funny. Funny on purpose I mean, not funny because it's shitty. The dialogue is sharp and the actors deliver it with ease and an uncommon naturalism you don't normally find in low budget horror. Also setting Hatchet apart are the AWESOME special effects. There's a deformed monster dude that's running around killing people that looks pretty gnarly, but it's the death effects that really step up. Watching the first person get killed via hatchet to the shoulder, but it doesn't stop there. He keeps hacking and hacking until the dude is split from the shoulder to the waist. Then he tears a ladies head in half fucking King Kong vs T-Rex style.

This bit is turning into a full review so I'll leave you with this. Hatchet is a surprisingly fun horror film that never takes itself too seriously until it comes to making the kills look brutally gory and real. Check it out. Oh and remember the all important moral of the film: You can't hook up with itchy chicks.

14. Severance

Severance defines the line between two very different types of film. One film being the horror-comedy, where there's laughs on all of the blood, and the second film being a horror movie that happens to be funny, where the blood is fucking red nasty blood and you're still scared when you see it. Movies like Shaun of the Dead fall into category A, and movies like Severance fall into category B.

The movie is very, very funny. Each of the six or seven characters brings something TOTALLY different to the table; from the conservative "I wear glasses and am uptight" girl, to the fun loving young guy who eats a healthy handful of magic mushrooms before any of the real fun even begins. The movie is littered with one liners and dialogue trades that will have you rolling, but that's not to say that it takes away at all from the horror.

Palisade Defense is a weapons manufacturer who sends one of their top teams into Hungary for a team building retreat at their "Newly Acquired Luxury Lodge." Needless to say the lodge is anything but luxury and it's a prime hunting spot for Hungarian army men who went wacko and decided that hunting humans was just too much fun to give up after their terms of service.

Depending on how you feel about crazy murderers in the woods around your house, you may or may not be scared to death by this, but no matter who you are you'll certainly get into your car faster or get the mail a little quicker after you see Severance. The more time you spend outside, the more likely you are to be dead.

There's something to be said for movies with a low budget and relatively low star power that still manage to include a few great special effects moments. Severance has one of the most real and up front shotgun blasts to the dome I've even seen in film. Of course you always think of Full Metal Jacket when you think of brains being splattered via headshot, but Severance manages to pull it off perfectly without cutting away or trying to hide what it is. Also, watching someones leg get mercilessly ripped from its owner by a massive bear trap has never been more hilarious and horrifying.

Severance is the perfect mix of laughs, suspense, and straight up horror. If you haven't seen it yet, do what you can. Blockbuster might have it, but for now it is watch instantly on Netflix so sign up for a two week free trial and watch this movie.