Monday
Apr262010
TURN THAT OFF! Movies About Kids But Not For Them
Monday, April 26, 2010 at 1:20PM | Will LeBlanc 
Of course the film in question is this weekends box office topper Kick-Ass touting ::SPOILERS:: a scene where 11-year-old Hit Girl takes a beating, and uses the words "cunt", "cock", and "douche" with grace and relish. Surely this has to be the first instance of violence and vulgarity in the history of film, right?! No one has ever been so brazen as to put those words or those actions into the hands of a preteen, have they?! Why yes they have, since you're asking, and here are a few movies that star kids, but by no means should ever be watched by them.
A classic and most beloved novel by William Golding, Lord of the Flies is required reading for most high school students. An adaptation to film was released in 1963 to critical acclaim and despite it's somewhat conservative rating (unrated, but generally accepted for kids 12 and up) boasts a smorgasbord of death, violence and brutality, all perpetrated by younglings barely old enough to ride on two wheels. Limits are pushed as children beat, stab, bludgeon, and kill each other with whatever primitive tool they can find on the island that they're stranded on. The image of a pig's head on a stick is one that will stick with you forever and most certainly shouldn't be viewed by children.
The argument can be made that it is a deeper study into human nature and a human's ability to survive when pressed with extenuation circumstances. But that's not what someone Hit Girl's age will get out of it. All they'll see is a bunch of kids playing games and smashing each other with rocks, possibly influencing them to do the same the next time they hit the sandbox. Parental discretion is advised.
Vampirism is running rampant in the US these days with the Twilight fever refusing to break. Kids are trying to get their hands on anything vampire related so parents should already be on their toes making sure their unsuspecting kids don't wind up with a copy of the gory and sordid True Blood. But most of the time (save for Kirsten Dunst in Interview With the Vampire) vampires are portrayed by of-age folk, rather than the delightfully sullen kids used in the brilliant Swedish film Let the Right One In. Eli, played by then 12-year-old Lina Leandersson, tears the throat out of several victims, bleeds profusely from every pore on her body, and encourages young Oskar to fight back against his relentless bullies, not a bad suggestion until he actually does and sends one kid crying to the hospital.
The film culminates in a beautiful ballet of death, and crescendos in the brutal slaying of the aforementioned bullies, all of which were the same age as our not-yet-13 heroes. Let the Right One In is driven by children, but the imagery and language (if you care to read your films, or speak Swedish) should be avoided at all costs if you don't want your kids smashing bullies in the head with broom sticks.
Not only is the child in The Omen the son of the Devil himself, but his name has become synonymous with evil incarnate and the mere mention of his name will send thoughts of a firy, horned beast into your mind: Damien. Damien never takes part in the gruesome deaths that occur in his presence, but his aura of pure evil drives one person to hang herself, and causes the family priest's death in a freak accident that Damien's father suspects Damien is a part of.
This particular child doesn't spend much time doing terrible stuff himself, but his alleged actions spark Damien's father to spend the entire third act of the movie trying to stab this kid to death with seven daggers. You'll have to ask yourself now, which is worse: Children playing out acts of violence and brutality, or acts of violence being planned and perpetrated against children? This movie isn't going to teach kids to say cunt, or doucebag, but someone without the capacity to grasp that this kid is pure evil and just needs to die is going to be scared shitless of manly men like Gregory Peck for the next dozen or so years.
Not many people remember The Good Son, but the ones that do do so fondly. A new to the business Elijah Wood and a desperate to shake his Home Alone type cast Macauley Culkin star in this jealousy-laden pseudo-horror. This film houses one of the worst acts you can show a burgeoning young mind, violence against an animal, amongst other terrible things kids should not see or do even in a million years. Not only does Macauley Culkin act out against animals, throw a dummy off an overpass, and attempt to kill his 8-year-old sister in a staged ice skating accident, he also transfers blame to his cousin without remorse.
This movie proves that in order to get your parents attention, it's ok to do terrible, unspeakable things as long as you have an alibi and a patsy. Causing a 10-car pile up is acceptable, sending your sister out onto thin ice is fine, and shooting a dog with a crossbow encouraged. Kids aren't going to understand that Henry Evans is evil, especially kids whose parents just had another child. They'll just see themselves on the screen and learn new ways to show mommy and daddy that they love them. Macauley Culkin was barely 13 at the time of this film's release, meaning that all of these atrocities were done at the hands of a 12-year-old. Anyone care to picket Blockbuster to get this one taken off the shelves?
South Park is maybe the hardest offender on this entire list. The show is entering its 14th season and for 14 seasons has centered around four second graders walking around their school and town swearing at, hurting, and insulting everything and everyone including each other. In 1999, the South Park movie came out with escalated marketing campaigns that put the vulgar 6 and 7 year olds on prime time for all eyes, including your little ones', to see. You and I just laughed at the wit of the writing and the silliness of the situations these kids get themselves into, but what does a child of similar age to the characters see?
They see a cartoon, albeit a loud and occasionally obnoxious one. And if they're young enough, there's not going to be much distinction between that and Looney Tunes or Tom & Jerry (which are decidedly violent in their own right). Still after 11 years the show remains almost constantly hilarious, but has grown progressively worse for the eyes and ears of kids. And this is something that on numerous web sites can be viewed on demand for free, and as we all know, kids are clever beasts when it comes to finding something they want on the internet, and if that thing is swearing and violence in cartoon form, they'll almost indefinitely land on South Park. Maybe something as accessible as this should be the focus of crazed parents looking for something to protest.
A few of you might say that this is a stretch, but the adorable Abigail Breslin was a headliner which surely would turn the heads of a few nerdier young ones. The only offense committed by or against a tiny person in Little Miss Sunshine is the inappropriate strip tease performed by Abigail at the end of the film as her family and an obvious future contestant on To Catch a Predator look on in horror and/or excitement. It's clearly the film maker's and parent's fault for having her do such a thing since she was so young someone had to make the decision for her, but the scene clearly isn't meant to be viewed by anyone who can't deduce that it's a joke and a scene about the self esteem of a somewhat downtrodden little girl. Of course, this brings up the whole Britney Spears debate, but I digress.
Little Miss Sunshine is maxed out on old men swearing and talking openly and graphically about sex, hookers, and cocaine use on top of the supposed mistreatment of Breslin. The film is top lined by a 10-year-old who disrobes in the climax of the film and nobody raised a finger let alone a protest placard against the film, which in itself is a protest against the DISGUSTING child beauty pageants.
This was 12-year-old Natalie Portman's very first role as an actress in film, in a violent love story between a pre-teen and a then 46-year-old Jean Reno. Let's for a moment remember that Roman Polanski was just interred for allegedly drugging and raping a 13-year-old girl, a crime he committed over 33 years ago. There's a seriousness involved with statutory rape that even the best of intentions doesn't void. Couple that with an orphaned girl looking to be trained as a hit girl (see what I did there?) and you've got yourself a relative disaster if it winds up in front of the wrong audience.
Hit Girl in Kick-Ass is what Mathilda aspired to be. Leon tells a great story, one of love and horrible loss, but is also full of unabashed and shameless violence, maybe not to the extremes that Kick-Ass takes it, but still not something to be shown to those under the age of the main character.
What people don't seem to understand is that all of these movies landed themselves an R-rating for a reason: they shouldn't be tossed in a DVD player when there's kids in the room, and a few of them shouldn't be even if the kid is in the next room. That's why the ratings system exists. Sure it frustrates us when things are given an R rating unfairly, but there are just some movies that fucking deserve it and that's as much as anyone can do before blame falls squarely in the lap of the parent who lets their kid watch one of these. The film makers can't be blamed if a tween sees Kick-Ass then runs home screaming 'cunt' at the top of their lungs, only the parents who can't keep track of their kid well enough to know what movie's they're watching.
The furthering of violence by or against kids isn't something I'm trying to support or oppose, it merely exists and people need to accept it to a point and shut their fucking mouths about it. Sure Hit Girl takes a pretty good beating towards the end of Kick-Ass but she hands out about 20 over the course of the film and is perfectly capable of defending herself. That she is 11 shouldn't concern you unless you're just following along with the story. It shouldn't make you run to the hills shouting about how much of a cock Matthew Vaughn is for letting Chloe Moretz do and say those things. What it should make you do is a little research to see what the very well spoken and mature Chloe Moretz has to say on the subject about her parents (those people who are supposed to be keeping their children's eyes free and clear of this stuff) who helped her chose the script and approved her for the role despite the lines and actions.
In short, protesting a film like this without seeing it, researching the character, or talking to those involved is silliness to the nth degree and those willing to bother fighting will be wasting their time and money hurting their own cause by drawing more attention to the film. Violence, swearing and children will all play together in the great playground of Hollywood for a long time because it simply puts butts in the seats and sometimes makes for great storytelling, as is the case with Kick-Ass. Just let it happen until I tell you when it gets out of hand, and it's nowhere near there just yet.
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Reader Comments (5)
The South Park kids are in Grade 4 (They started the series in Grade 3), so that would make them somewhere between 8 and 9 (or 10), not 6 or 7, as you mentioned.
Point remains the same, but thanks for setting me straight!
You got Let The Right One In, so kudos, but this list is missing a non-violent movie that's simply too emotionally challenging for children but is about children: Where The Wild Things Are.
Christiane F. is another one for your list.
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